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.wistful.They're almost black: the memories.
Ironically fitting, the tint to our clothes and
how you hair was supposed to be but of course that had turned out
unexpected, a little too poetic to mean anything but
brighter is what I need.
And I'll take that optimism and run it up my veins,
- not painfully, don't spare a pause for concern, i'm alright, i promise -
and maybe it'll spark a new light
something to help see better, feel better, breathe better,
anything to remember.
But once I do, it'll only hurt more
and it already hurts plenty without the reminders of
moon-eyes, they were like moons, right?
porcelain, pristine no matter how damaged you swore you were,
a laugh that i knew was music, but what was the tune?
a smile, lips turned up but i can't seem to recall how or why or
where those memories went.
they've got to be here somewhere..
and of course the closeness,
that final moment that passed too quickly of
arms linked, hearts joined, we were so close -
.Withering Ties.What comes with you is withering ties
Run down by distance soaring high
A side of memories to go by
With swollen hopes run sick and dry.
It's broken shards of promise lands
Of shining knights and Peter Pans
To calm your jittery, shaky hands
To drop your fragile grains of sand.
What we once were seems to have flown
Shapen by the sides we've grown
And what we may have never known
Came about when left alone.
It's a new window to look through
Of greener grass that's bright and new
With sunlight to light up your blues
A reflection of me and you.
A ball of wishes waiting
It's magic never fading
The seeds filled with desire
To shoot your hopes up higher.
The stem is plucked without a care
Chance for a wish is equal; fair
Inhale your trust and all you know
Exhale your dreams and let them go.
They'll ride the wind and sail the skies
Whisked away before your eyes
And when they're ready, they will grow
All they need is just a blow.
.Pining.Of urgency and desperation
A heart in need of love's salvation
Send a smile my direction
Trust in me your heart's protection.
A spark was shared between our gaze
Which marked the start of many days
In which I'd drown under your stare
Stripped of thought, you left me bare.
Down to bones, I tend to wonder
If in your mind I ever to wander
Like the child I stoop down to
When it comes to me and you.
I like to think our spark had meaning
Towards destiny I'm often leaning
But even fantasy walks a line
To keep your fate sealed off from mine.
.Spiral.A twisting, turning coil spirals
Lower, lower, 'til it drops
The coil's close to snapping now
Tighter, tighter, 'til it pops.
Hear it snap; fast as a blink
Listen, listen, or you'll miss it
See it spring back; no hestiation
Quickly, quickly, did you see it?
It's not the same, it's broken now
Fix it, fix it, make it better
Before it's rusty and forgotten
Hurry, hurry, put it together.
Time is sprinting much too fast
Slower, slower, can you keep up?
It's fate is sealed; broken forever
Silence, silence eats you up.
.Unconditional.Stunted attention gravitates around two foggy scenes
One of muddy browns, one of looming evergreens
The same abrupt ending to come, the same destiny
Of having to take in the blows and continue moving.
There's always the same blip of thought to get me stumbling
The 'what-if's' that fuel that fire dying to keep burning
But no matter the desperation cycling through my head
I'd rather go down with a smile than be broken and dead.
It's a constant struggle to look forward, ignore the urge to look
But if I do, there's no stopping the automatic hook
I'll flouder and I'll lose my grip just for old time's sake
It's too big of a hole to fill, too big a risk to take.
Those certain songs and memories are pushed away like disease
The wound's too ripe to reminisce, I'll never be at ease
And the moon would be your eyes while the sun would be your smile
And the snapshots would come rushing in, like they have for a while.
So to keep the blistering pain at bay, I'll look off to the side
Pretend that ther
.Facade.A mere sweetness to the eyes
With a gentle voice to add
Not a true threat to the field
In which a heart's moths do flutter.
There's but the smallest stirring
To accompany a lonely smile
Aware of forced love's quaint facade
To lure a heart into deception.
Be it a game of love or lust
A tug of war of 'do's and 'don't's
Or simply a game of pretend
To dress a lone smile with color.
There's a bitter beauty in the cracks
Of a heart that's feigned affection
The hint that what was once reality
Could return if properly coaxed out.
.Ghost.Am I but a ghost for you
The way you are a ghoul for me?
Am I ever just a speeding car
Passing by your highway-mind?
You were my fall-back safety net
To keep me from falling too hard
You were my sane security
To cling to when my bird-heart trembled.
I don't miss your apologies or promises or words
But the intentions behind them; the feel, the touch, the looks
I yearn for nostalgic concern that's faded into speckled papers
The thought that once I had been primary, no longer so expendable.
Now we're trapped in memories; scrapbooks laced with tears
The broken bond and stitched up hearts that beg for a numbing dosage
Now it's saddened hopelessness, desperate for a glimpse to the future
In fear that we may end up with just one love that never lived to blossom.
:.Dream.:Sometimes, when I'm alone and only silence rings through the halls, I'll go into my room and turn the lock.
I grab my headphones and slip them on, powering up my trusty music player then carefully selecting a song.
I close my eyes and wait.
There's a stirring in the room: a quiet rumble as the song starts up. There's only black to see, but my senses kick in as the faint sound of chanting plays into the background.
I open my eyes and the sight before me is stunning.
The walls are no longer a bland eggshell-white, but are loud and ecstatic. They hold a sea of fist-pumps hitting the air as the buzzing of a million fans scream behind the rising action. The guitars pick up the steady beat, swinging hands with the tempo and gliding through the air. They're clustered but casual in movement, dancing as the bass rings through their bodies.
I look out at all of them, a smile on my lips.
I take a deep breath.
The first note is steady and clean as if this wasn't the first time I had bel
The wonders of the world are at my feet,
creation's endless charity.
Golden sun above and warmth makes life sweet,
night stars help me gain clarity
... and yet I am alone.
Roses and daisies and buttercups too,
green grass and blue sky above me.
Mountains and valleys and geysers that spew,
ocean as far as my eye can see
... and yet I am alone.
New moon above and Milky Way heavens,
lights that inspire poetry.
Bright shooting stars and Northern lights events,
cosmic dance of life surrounds me
... and yet I am alone.
I hold this truth to be above all truth,
that what we need most, is love.
The absence of love makes earthly joys moot,
what I would give... to fit hand in glove
... and never, ever, again be alone.
*The Cathedral*Graveyard sparkles, coat of frost
Souls sleep in comfort none are lost
Yew trees stand's silent friend
Up the pathway faithful wend.
Illuminated Christmas star
Penitants travel from afar
Spiritual comfort, blessed peace
Worldly concerns find release
Stained glass window does inspire
Glorious colours flame desire
Insence smells and bells so pure
Winter Cathderal, open door.
Bathed in scripted bile
A vale of silence falling
Bureaucraticly hiding all
Dysfunctional desires rampant
A festering rotted core
Inequalities deeply binding
Insidious malcontents survive
A decadent soulless beacon
Fulfilling wanton desires
Hypocritically content miscreants
Unchecked carnivorous fools
Blackened evillest wanting
Lost in greed and lust and deed
Radical animosity revealing
Cantankerous inept pontiffs
Cadaverous satanic tools
Solemn service sacrificed
Screaming to deafened ears
What once was the answer
Has turned into misery and fear
Writhing twisted malformation
Unburdened of belief
Empty faithless vessel
Devoid of love and peace
BetrayalI have the memory
I have forgotten
My kisses are fresh
And they're so rotten
My eyes shoot daggers
But stare so sweetly
Our life is a mess
That is arranged so neatly
It hurts me so bad
And yet I feel nothing
You were always so suspicious
You were easily so trusting
You've killed me completely
And filled me with life
I deserve to be an ex
But also your wife
I have given up
I continue to try
You should've told the truth
But you should've lied.
Under the KnifeWhitewash my arms and legs
Until it's okay to be me
until I'm like all the rest
Until I am free
Paint my face,
Bleach my skin,
Change my race.
Why doth ye abandoneth me, O my love?
Have thy heart forgotten thine untamed dove?
Am I damned? Am I ugly?
What is it that makes thee, forsake me?
I live the way thee desireth.
I abide silence and pride forsaketh!
Why ye then blind towards my pain?
Why ye maketh my plea go vain?
Why thou maketh my life so dismal?
The wrath of thy apathy maketh my living abysmal!
Without thee life equals death!
Earnestly for thy mercy I prayeth!
I seeketh peace in thy happiness,
in thy grief I abideth thine loneliness.
Then why dost I fail to please thee?
Why ye not fill my heart with thine abounding mercy?
Reveal unto me my flaw my dear,
an unfathomable grave seems to draw me near!
All frail… all broken… my ordeal finds no end…
Without thy grace my heart can never mend!
To thy sweetest word I yearn.
In the moonlit night forlorn I burn.
Why unto me ye so stern?
Why is thine love so stubborn?
I fail to perceive thy rejection!
Thine unconcern brings unto me a venomous
DFC 3: The PlagueYou are the plague,
That soothes every wound,
So raw and off-key,
Sweet and fine-tuned,
Nobody knows you,
I see your soul,
The timid young rabbit,
The lion so bold,
Nary a whisper,
Carries my scream!
As heavens lie silent,
Hailing; they teem,
Forget all you’ve seen,
But remember me most,
A vibrant bright entity,
A pale shattered ghost,
Joyfully dancing we,
Stare at the sound,
Lost in the darkness,
In light all around,
Where people breathe fire,
I’m encased in ice,
Each moment disgusts me,
I’m fully enticed.
No words are muttered,
They’re chanting our song,
Pulses have quickened,
Dead all along.
You are my plague,
You soothe every wound,
Free and in love,
In hatred entombed.
FOR THE LOST CHILDI am a man who is lost in a child
And my child he never grew
His spirit within, my mother defiled
Turning his soul black and blue.
The years have passed, the summers fade
Still my torment it rages on
This man I am, cold and afraid
Hides from the waking dawn.
My little child is locked inside
Vowing to never come out
This poor little boy, he thinks he died
Existing in shadow and doubt.
I love him, this child inside of me
Yet no matter how hard I try
He will never know what it means to be free
Until that day when I die.
It is I who bears his lasting pain
Yes, ‘tis I that must tarry and wait
Sometimes I think that my life was in vain
As I sit here and ponder my fate.
My mother’s been dead for quite some time
As Cancer accomplished its goal
Below the earth, she rests from her crime
With the little boys heart that she stole.
I see him each day in the mirror
This albatross that I must wear
Bringing me ever nearer
To the end of this life we have shared.
God has set the path I must
.Reminisce.Remember when we'd sit up against the wall?
Share a laugh, make it up as we went along
And how we were so happy, when it was just two
And how my heart is twisting at the thought of you
Remember swinging high and flipping when you reached the top?
And how thousands of miles couldn't tell our hearts to stop?
And now the mist of rain only speaks your name, no matter what I do
Why can't my heart stop twisting at the thought of you?
Remember our first exchange of words that meant the world?
The tug-of-war that we played as lonely fingers curled
And with the summer waning, I don't know what to do
All I feel's my heart twisting at the thought of you.
Remember our last goodbye, a hug cut short by time?
And how it finally hit me that it might be fine
Though love is never-ending, and hearts can go on, too
My heart is always twisting at the thought of you.
Vanguard, Chapter 1: DuncanDuncan's Journal: Day 1288
I consider myself a good man. I respect women, elders, my equals, and the dead. I say a morning prayer, and an evening one. Hell, I even thank the gods for a meal, instead of immediately chowing down in the voracious manner as the other soldiers here do. By all logical means, I should be in paradise. No really, not just because I'm a good man, but also because I should be dead by now. So I ask myself: why, oh gods up there, have I ended up in hell?
1288 days. 1288 days of my life have been spent in this misery, and I'm beginning to lose faith in the glory I was promised. Some of the rookies still live in their ignorant bliss, but I've lived long enough to realize that there's not much glory to find here. “Sing the songs of glory and march into battle—-join The Crusade today!”. Such were the words of the posters The Crusade has spread all over The Mortal Realm. Gullible fools practically stand in line for these songs of glory that th
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