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.wistful.They're almost black: the memories.
Ironically fitting, the tint to our clothes and
how you hair was supposed to be but of course that had turned out
unexpected, a little too poetic to mean anything but
brighter is what I need.
And I'll take that optimism and run it up my veins,
- not painfully, don't spare a pause for concern, i'm alright, i promise -
and maybe it'll spark a new light
something to help see better, feel better, breathe better,
anything to remember.
But once I do, it'll only hurt more
and it already hurts plenty without the reminders of
moon-eyes, they were like moons, right?
porcelain, pristine no matter how damaged you swore you were,
a laugh that i knew was music, but what was the tune?
a smile, lips turned up but i can't seem to recall how or why or
where those memories went.
they've got to be here somewhere..
and of course the closeness,
that final moment that passed too quickly of
arms linked, hearts joined, we were so close -
.Withering Ties.What comes with you is withering ties
Run down by distance soaring high
A side of memories to go by
With swollen hopes run sick and dry.
It's broken shards of promise lands
Of shining knights and Peter Pans
To calm your jittery, shaky hands
To drop your fragile grains of sand.
What we once were seems to have flown
Shapen by the sides we've grown
And what we may have never known
Came about when left alone.
It's a new window to look through
Of greener grass that's bright and new
With sunlight to light up your blues
A reflection of me and you.
A ball of wishes waiting
It's magic never fading
The seeds filled with desire
To shoot your hopes up higher.
The stem is plucked without a care
Chance for a wish is equal; fair
Inhale your trust and all you know
Exhale your dreams and let them go.
They'll ride the wind and sail the skies
Whisked away before your eyes
And when they're ready, they will grow
All they need is just a blow.
.Pining.Of urgency and desperation
A heart in need of love's salvation
Send a smile my direction
Trust in me your heart's protection.
A spark was shared between our gaze
Which marked the start of many days
In which I'd drown under your stare
Stripped of thought, you left me bare.
Down to bones, I tend to wonder
If in your mind I ever to wander
Like the child I stoop down to
When it comes to me and you.
I like to think our spark had meaning
Towards destiny I'm often leaning
But even fantasy walks a line
To keep your fate sealed off from mine.
.Spiral.A twisting, turning coil spirals
Lower, lower, 'til it drops
The coil's close to snapping now
Tighter, tighter, 'til it pops.
Hear it snap; fast as a blink
Listen, listen, or you'll miss it
See it spring back; no hestiation
Quickly, quickly, did you see it?
It's not the same, it's broken now
Fix it, fix it, make it better
Before it's rusty and forgotten
Hurry, hurry, put it together.
Time is sprinting much too fast
Slower, slower, can you keep up?
It's fate is sealed; broken forever
Silence, silence eats you up.
.Unconditional.Stunted attention gravitates around two foggy scenes
One of muddy browns, one of looming evergreens
The same abrupt ending to come, the same destiny
Of having to take in the blows and continue moving.
There's always the same blip of thought to get me stumbling
The 'what-if's' that fuel that fire dying to keep burning
But no matter the desperation cycling through my head
I'd rather go down with a smile than be broken and dead.
It's a constant struggle to look forward, ignore the urge to look
But if I do, there's no stopping the automatic hook
I'll flouder and I'll lose my grip just for old time's sake
It's too big of a hole to fill, too big a risk to take.
Those certain songs and memories are pushed away like disease
The wound's too ripe to reminisce, I'll never be at ease
And the moon would be your eyes while the sun would be your smile
And the snapshots would come rushing in, like they have for a while.
So to keep the blistering pain at bay, I'll look off to the side
Pretend that ther
.Facade.A mere sweetness to the eyes
With a gentle voice to add
Not a true threat to the field
In which a heart's moths do flutter.
There's but the smallest stirring
To accompany a lonely smile
Aware of forced love's quaint facade
To lure a heart into deception.
Be it a game of love or lust
A tug of war of 'do's and 'don't's
Or simply a game of pretend
To dress a lone smile with color.
There's a bitter beauty in the cracks
Of a heart that's feigned affection
The hint that what was once reality
Could return if properly coaxed out.
.Ghost.Am I but a ghost for you
The way you are a ghoul for me?
Am I ever just a speeding car
Passing by your highway-mind?
You were my fall-back safety net
To keep me from falling too hard
You were my sane security
To cling to when my bird-heart trembled.
I don't miss your apologies or promises or words
But the intentions behind them; the feel, the touch, the looks
I yearn for nostalgic concern that's faded into speckled papers
The thought that once I had been primary, no longer so expendable.
Now we're trapped in memories; scrapbooks laced with tears
The broken bond and stitched up hearts that beg for a numbing dosage
Now it's saddened hopelessness, desperate for a glimpse to the future
In fear that we may end up with just one love that never lived to blossom.
:.Dream.:Sometimes, when I'm alone and only silence rings through the halls, I'll go into my room and turn the lock.
I grab my headphones and slip them on, powering up my trusty music player then carefully selecting a song.
I close my eyes and wait.
There's a stirring in the room: a quiet rumble as the song starts up. There's only black to see, but my senses kick in as the faint sound of chanting plays into the background.
I open my eyes and the sight before me is stunning.
The walls are no longer a bland eggshell-white, but are loud and ecstatic. They hold a sea of fist-pumps hitting the air as the buzzing of a million fans scream behind the rising action. The guitars pick up the steady beat, swinging hands with the tempo and gliding through the air. They're clustered but casual in movement, dancing as the bass rings through their bodies.
I look out at all of them, a smile on my lips.
I take a deep breath.
The first note is steady and clean as if this wasn't the first time I had bel
I think of 'you'Peering out my window, noticing, the lilac bush in full bloom.
Picking up one of the soft petals
and raising it to my nose;
the air is 'warm'
the fragrance sweet...
I think of 'you'.
The day is lazy.
Soft music comes drifting by my window
from the house down the road.
I notice the gentle hum of the queen bee
as she feeds off the flowers,
and the soothing monotony of the crickets song.
I am so 'aware' - of 'life' taking place...
I think of 'you'.
The cemetery's aglow, with bright flowers,
and fresh, young graves...
I walk, down the mental paths of my mind;
the sun, shining warmly upon my hair, and face.
The birds, ask and answer - the sweet questions
only 'they' understand; as, I walk.
And the tomb stones, look back at me
introducing themselves by name,
welcoming, my company;
'offering', perfumed fragrant gifts
as a symbol of life...
Lifting one, to my nose.
Smelling it's gentle fragrance, and touching it's soft
EnvisionIn my thoughts I'd 'hope' for you....
I wish we could have been...
I'd close my eyes and see in my mind
an ever so sweet envision.
The truth had come to me too late;
though looking back in the blue
the feelings stir, inside me again,
the beautiful ways in which I'd seen you...
I was as a mountain
peaked, with soft white snow;
til the Spring of 'you', came into my life;
then gentle waters flowed....
And went with me
through valleys and streams
of my life, I'd never seen before.
Our differing ways, just intensified
to show me more.
I learned a whole new world of 'me'
things, you already knew...
Of the sun in the sky
it's effect to warm.
You 'showed me' the sky of blue.
I learned of the birth of flowers
as they opened, to the dawn.
I knew then what it was to smile.
You taught me, and then you'd gone.
And slowly I looked about me
at everything that you 'were'.
All the beautiful things
of which, together; helped me
to paint your picture.
Then I understood - and felt the wa
Closed DoorsLeave me alone
Let me lose
Myself in the ocean
Where I will be
Let me stay
Away from the clock
Of our days.
Of the reality
Waiting for me
With a knife.
I don’t want
To leave behind
The best years
Of my life.
What I like
Fades it out.
Soon will be
Dust these words
In your memory.
Serenity's AngelI am she, Serenity...
Thou knowest not my beauty.
But if ye sought the face of the Lord
surely, I would come to thee.
My wings are bound and chained
to fly, only, unto the sincere;
whom have searched with the angels
of Patience, and Mercy; and Truth,
for the key to my seal.
I reside not, in the halls of vexation,
nor do I neighbor with wrath.
I know only the ways, of love and justice
and all they of whom, such qualities hath.
I flyest through the beginings
unto the ends of the earth; my candle
an eternal flame.
Given to me of the Lord
SEEK HIS FACE
and share my name.
Finger TipsTake my hand, and let us fly
We both know you are not shy,
Just scared of rejection
I, too, lack affection.
Though I would never use you
To fill holes no one can view.
So, are you ready yet?
Please, my dear, do not fret.
Let me take you far away
As to help you make your day.
No harm is intended
For hate here is ended.
You deserve only the best
Not because you need a rest,
Since time is drawing signs
Guiding me to your lines.
Saving HerSave yourself, because I can't save you.
You are drowning in your own sorrows,
Lungs burning with the need for air.
Your wrists feel numb,
inviting you to cut deeper.
You pull your hair out,
Scream into your pillow at night.
You have stomach ulcers,
Light one cigarette after another.
You look in the mirror and see the ghost you have become,
Sickly smile at yourself.
You give your body freely,
Even if you hate it.
You lift your chin high,
But let your heart drag on the ground,
Kicking stones away,
While tripping in your mind.
Falling, you laugh.
Not even bracing for impact.
less or morea little darkness
tugging at my sleeve
trying to bring me down
and get happy to leave
a cloud eager to rain
upon my parade
a simple game
of less or more afraid
if I doubt
the things I know
my candle will
if I fear
their empty threat
I'll lose myself
to nagging regret
Watching the RainI have this strange feeling
in my stomach, knots are twisting
my heart is doing its revealing
but somehow I'm not existing.
I am stuck within a lonely room
listening to the drops of heavy rain
clinging to my skin is a deep gloom
happiness is not something I can feign.
Like the rain, the solitude persists
I am being left behind again and again
all I can do is tightly clench my fists
will I be forever stuck in the rain?
The sun might not break through
I need the light to grace my skin
and it will be unlike anything I knew
perhaps I might even be able to grin.
Until then, I'll watch the rain from my view
and these vicious knots will get tighter
waiting eagerly for the sun to become anew
but thank goodness I'm a fighter.
I Am, Am I?Am I to die, am I to sleep?
Am I to swim in pools so deep?
Am I to smile when I should cry?
Am I to fake oaths for the Sky?
I am the Ground that broke apart;
I am a Tennessean heart.
I am an empty ventricle,
I am a pointless article.
My chipped polish is ancient blood,
My hair bow shields me from the flood;
My scratches glimmer in the light,
My bruises—such an ardent sight!
I am pointless, I am content,
I don’t mind falling through the vent;
If others join me down there,
It will beg me to disappear.
.Reminisce.Remember when we'd sit up against the wall?
Share a laugh, make it up as we went along
And how we were so happy, when it was just two
And how my heart is twisting at the thought of you
Remember swinging high and flipping when you reached the top?
And how thousands of miles couldn't tell our hearts to stop?
And now the mist of rain only speaks your name, no matter what I do
Why can't my heart stop twisting at the thought of you?
Remember our first exchange of words that meant the world?
The tug-of-war that we played as lonely fingers curled
And with the summer waning, I don't know what to do
All I feel's my heart twisting at the thought of you.
Remember our last goodbye, a hug cut short by time?
And how it finally hit me that it might be fine
Though love is never-ending, and hearts can go on, too
My heart is always twisting at the thought of you.
what love is not.it was a s l o p p y first kiss where
my drunk lips fumbled against yours.
the dull thwack of my heart,
locked behind curved ribs
cleared my groggy brain,
clouded with lustful premonitions.
it was an e l e c t r i f y i n g first kiss where
you entwined your hands in my hair.
your mouth encompassed mine and
my breath became lost in the steady
of your chest.
it was a s h y first kiss where
i pulled away before you could explore.
your tongue grazed my teeth,
searching for a way past the ivory gates.
i dug my finger into the stubble along your jaw,
my nail lulling your carnal desires.
it was my first kiss with you.
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